Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Tennis Pros: Hilarious Replies and One-Liers

Over the years, we have watched great tennis players who have played some beautiful tennis. But they have also given us great replies and one-liners. So, here we take a look at that.

Andy Roddick will definitely contribute to the list. Go A-Rod.

Hilarious Questions and Replies

After Wimbledon win, Roger Federer had this conversation with an interviewer:

Interviewer: 'After you had won Wimbledon, you were given a cow called Juliette when you returned to Switzerland. Is there another Juliette waiting for you?'

Federer: 'I hope not. By the way, Juliette is expecting a calf.'

Interviewer: 'Congratulations!'

Federer: 'Thanks, but I’m not the father.'

Before US open '05, Roddick was asked:

Interviewer: 'What are your chances in the US Open?

Roddick: 'As good as anybody not named Roger.'

Another Roddick gem:

Interviewer: 'You have a very fast serve.'

Roddick: 'It killed a small dog.'

After which comment, he claimed he was joking because she was not laughing at all...

Roddick: 'I'm joking, I am joking...The dog was huge.'

The press conference he did after losing to Roger in the Aussie '07 SF...had some interesting transcriptions...

Reporter: 'What was it like for you being on the end of that?'
Andy: 'It was frustrating. It was miserable. It sucked. It was terrible. Besides that it was fine.'

Reporter: 'What did Jimmy (Connors—his coach) say after?'
Andy: 'He gave me a beer.'

Reporter: 'Take us from 4-4, because up 'til then you were in the match. Then you got broken.'
Andy: 'Then I broken three more times. And two more times in the third set, and it was over 26 minutes later. Is that about what you saw too?'

Reporter: 'How do you rate Haas's or Gonzalez's chances in the final?'
Andy: 'Slim.'

Reporter: 'You're performance on here is better than on court.'
Andy: 'No shit. If there were rankings for press conferences I wouldn't have to worry about falling out of the top five I hope.'

Reporter: 'After a defeat like this do you sleep well?'
Andy: 'Depends how much I drink tonight.'

Reporter: 'How much would you have paid in order to not have to come to the press conference tonight?'
Andy: 'That's about the best question that's been asked. Well, I can't really say an amount because I would have gotten fined $20,000 (for not coming to the press conference). So, it would have to be less than that, right? If we're thinking logically. But it wouldn't be about the money. It would be about running away and not facing it. I would pay a lot of money if people would make stuff up and pretend I said it. But my dad didn't raise me like that, so here I am.'

The last one of his replies; Roddick was invited to some show, and the conversation with the host was like this:

Host: 'Do you have any hint for me? Did you bring me present of any sort?'
Roddick: 'A present?'
Host: 'Yeah'
Roddick: 'It's compulsory?'
Host: 'Ya, Great Agassi came to the show, and he gave me the racket he won the Davis Cup with.'
Roddick: 'Really!!'
Host: 'You didn't bring me anything?'
Roddick: 'I CAN'T BRING YOU SHIT...'

Reporter: 'What did Jimmy say? US Open he got on a real roll too. Did you talk about what to do if Roger got on a roll, change strategy, slow it down?'
Andy: 'There's a lot of strategy talk. But not if you're down 6-4 6-0 2-0. We didn't really talk about that. Oops.'


Now, some good one-liners:

'It's just unreal, I'm shocked myself. I've played good matches here, but never really almost destroyed somebody. It's a match for him to forget...and for me to remember!'
—Roger Federer, after defeating Andy Roddick in the AO '07 SF

'Hey—you guys with the ladder. If you come here I'll buy you pizza.'
—Andy Roddick, calling out to firefighters in the process of rescuing Roddick and other hotel guests from a fire in Rome.

'I've got to feel good because (Djokovic) has got about 16 injuries'
—Andy Roddick on Djovokic's injuries.

Roddick: 'Isn't it both of them? And a back? and a hip? And a cramp... bird flu... anthrax. SARS, common cough, and a cold.'

'My hobbies include underwater fire extinguishing.'
—Andy Roddick

“If Pete’s child is a girl, my son will like her; if he’s a boy, my son will defeat him.” —Agassi.

Asked what it feels like to be the World No. 1, Roger jokingly replied:

'It's great. Everybody suddenly rates my good strokes as outstanding, and my poorer strokes as almost outstanding.'

'When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.'
—Hugo L. Black

'I did my job, got a beautiful cup and a beautiful cheque. That’s it. I didn’t change the world'
—Marat on his Slam wins

“Yeah, I choked, but shit happens”
—Marat Safin

'I'd like just one time to see you guys step up and do something for us.'
—Andy Roddick venting on ATP Supervisor Gayle Bradshaw after getting no love from the chair umpire at the ATP Scottsdale event.

'I don't go out there to love my enemy. I go out there to squash him.' —Jimmy Connors

'I am the best tennis player who cannot play tennis.' —Ion Tiriac

'Winners aren't popular, losers often are.' —Virginia Wade

'If you put two monkeys on to play you'd still pack the centre court.' —Neil Fraser, commenting on Wimbledon's popularity

'One day when a linesman starts to laugh, I swear I will hit the guy over the head with my racket. I think it will be the end of my career, but I will be happy.' —Ilie Nastase

'When I won Wimbledon, I said to God: Just let me win this one tournament and I won't play another match. Maybe God's telling me to go home, but I don't want to go home. We are negotiating at the moment.' —Goran Ivanisevic

'If I can't serve on grass, I can maybe help cut the grass, paint the lines, and serve some strawberries.' —Goran Ivanisevic

'The best doubles pair in the world is John McEnroe and anyone else.' —Peter Fleming

'I can't believe he is dumping me, his buddy for seven years, for a kid he's never seen before.' —Paul Haarhuis complaining about his doubles partner Jacco Eltingh flying home from the US Open for the birth of his son

'How to shake hands.' —Bettina Bunge, on what she had learned from a series of rapid defeats to Martina Navratilova

'Experience is a great advantage. The problem is that when you get the experience, you're too damned old to do anything about it.' —Jimmy Connors

'I love Wimbledon. But why don't they stage it in the summer?' —Vijay Amritraj during the rain-drenched 2007 Championships)

'If you want to talk, it's okay with me. I sit and relax.' —Gael Monfils taking a seat while Nicolas Almagro debated with umpire and match referee, Australian Open 2009

'I'm gonna have to start winning some of the matches to call it a rivalry!' —Andy Roddick on being asked whether he and Roger Federer had a rivalry that would last for years

'Pete is a step and a half slower.' —Greg Rusedski after losing to Pete Sampras in the US Open)

'Against him I don't need to be a step and a half quicker.' —Pete Sampras responding to Greg Rusedski's criticism—he went on to win the title!

'Umpiring, the only job in the world where you can screw up on a daily basis and still have one!' —Andy Roddick

'She doesn't sleep. At night she seems to turn into a vampire.' —Goran Ivanisevic on the joys of fatherhood

'Look, Nastase, we used to have a famous cricket match in this country called Gentlemen versus Players. The Gentlemen were put down on the scorecard as 'Mister' because they were gentlemen. By no stretch of the imagination can anybody call you a gentleman.' —Wimbledon umpire, on being told to address Ilie Nastase as 'Mister'

'Thanks, but no. I want to be a winner.' —Maria Sharapova on being compared to Anna Kournikova

'Going to the dentist. On second thought, I would rather have a root canal than play Santoro.' —Marat Safin, on being asked his biggest fear

'If I don't win tonight, I guess the sun will still come up in the morning.' —Arthur Ashe

'I had a feeling today that Venus Williams would either win or lose.' —Martina Navratilova

'The difference between night and day is, er, night and day.' —Tim Henman

Andrew Castle: 'Where are all these Serbians from?'
Greg Rudseski: 'Serbia?' (during Wimbledon 2007)

'There are no excuses. I could blame it on a lack of match practice time, or on playing the world No. 10...I had a sore stomach as well.' —Sania Mirza, Australian Open 2009

'I broke all my rackets. I didn't have a racket for the fifth set. I broke four. Now, I hold the record. Now, I go home. No rackets. I really don't like these rackets.' —Nikolay Davydenko, US Open 2008

'You're on live TV, you know. You look like a real moron right now.'
—The lovable Andy Roddick, yelling at a chair umpire at Indianapolis

'You're an idiot! Stay in school kids, or you'll end up being an umpire.'

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